It is said that Ben was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. However this is totally unfounded as silver spoons were never allowed in the nursery and even if he did obtain one he would have used it to chase his childood nanny in and out of any number of the 28 bedrooms of their family's stately home in the heart of Gravesend.

Although a failure at school, Ben was allowed to attend Oxford shortly after they received a rather large, but totally anonymous donation. Once there he worked hard and graduated with a 1st in greengrocery. It was this acute knowledge of British and foreign vegetables that allowed Ben to grow Minuco into the crisp and tasty company we know today.

Life was hard for the young Deon. Many nights would be spent on the steep slopes of the northern Alps looking after the small herd of goats his parents could afford. Deon spent these lonely nights remembering the one time he'd been able to watch a film in secret while staying at a friends house in the nearby village. It had been late at night while the parents slept and they had stared goggle-eyed at the silver screen. It was this and the constant sight of goat droppings that would shape his life to come.

At the age of 18 Deon had saved enough money to leave home and immediately embarked on a better life in film. He begged and busked his way around Europe until his incredible screenwriting talent was discovered by a top UK producer, who immediately signed him for a 3 film deal. To this day "Take THIS down Mrs Simmons!", "Sheena does Sheppey" and the critically acclaimed "Pulp Friction" are among the most watched top-shelf films in the Kentish town of Sheerness.

Born in Norwich to the leader of small knitting circle Paul learned to knit at an early age. Never one to stick with tradition he pursued his knitting to the point of fanaticism and was expelled from the local primary school for following a particularly unpleasant incident with a fellow student and a size 6 crochet hook.

Paul's passion for knitting remained undimmed and at the age of 28 he attended night school class for creative knitting and crochet. Soon after completing the course he started his own business creating knitted underwear and it was his talent for woollen undies that led him to Ben. Soon after meeting they launched their first joint venture. Although the knitted condoms weren't a great success they’ve been knitting and pearling ever since.

Even at a very young age it was clear he had more than just a talent for dance. Many a skip would turn into Jete as he ran through the narrow streets of his youth. At the age of 10 he was sent to the Imperial Ballet School to finish his training where he danced under the name Rudolf Nureyev and went on to perform at the famous Kirov.

The fame, Sexual ambiguity and general confusion were too much for Joe, who was drawn deeper and deeper into the seedy world of fetish documentary making, where he finally met Ben and other founder members of Minuco. Today he keeps photos of his younger years next to the many takeaway menus that form the basis of his web design work.

It is said that in every generation there is one man born for greatness. A man destined to lead and by his very presence inspire great things in others. Martin is not that man, although he did see Gladiator at the cinema.

Born just after the 2nd World War and again in the 1960s Martin has always loved sports and can often be found playing with himself in his spare time.

The daughter of a leading Hong Kong gang member Janice was trained in the darker arts at the Imperial School of Assassins, where she mastered in hand to hand combat and dripping poison down a piece of silk into the mouth of a sleeping victim.

Moving to Europe, she set-up an evil criminal empire in Finchley. In 2006 she was linked with the infamous Monkey Butler scam, although she has never formally been charged. Today her evil empire sells feminine hygiene products to local businesses.

Born in the ghetto town of Romford, Darren was always tapping out tunes as he listened to them. Unfortunately for Darren it was some years before anyone realized that the tunes he tapped bore no resemblance to those he listened to and that he was in fact completely tone and rhythm deaf.

His talent for tapping random tunes was picked up by his Music teacher and within a year he found himself on a scholarship to the Paris Conservatoire where he studied advanced triangle. Upon leaving the confines of classical triangle Darren experimented with Jazz, Rock and ultimately Triangle Rap Fusion, in which he became a celebrated and influential figure.

Born in Maryland to local cookie gatherers, Lan was always a bit of a loner. She shunned the way of the chocolate chip and instead embarked on a road of study, healthy eating and licorice pole dancing.

Moving to the UK at 22 she fell in love with the country's Adult Education system where she registered for a course in Forensic Eyebrology. Many months and several credit checks later she passed with flying colours. Today she spends every Wednesday evening working with a team tasked with identifying benefit fraudsters solely from the shape and density of their eyebrows.

Elodie, born Eric Banfield of Surrey was abducted and taken to France as a child, where he was raised as a girl by gypsies in the red-light district of Paris. Here he worked his way from bar to bar, selling dances to American businessmen, before finally fleeing the country on a false passport after being exposed on stage. Several operations later Eric became Elodie and her new life at Minuco began. Acting as Receptionist, Cleaner and Account Manager, Her poor level of work and general professionalism is compensated for by her crude jokes, which she tells on Friday afternoons between 1 and 2 pm.

Born into a traveling gang of musical diamond smugglers, Travis was never far away from trouble as a child. He would often be forced to swallow many packets of the precious stones and strum rock ballads as they crossed the border. To this day the first three notes from "Smoke on the Water" can bring on acute bouts of anxiety and constipation. As a teenager Travis broke free of gang and moved to England where he developed a talent for stalking C-List celebrities and a taste for dressing up in gimp outfits.

Born to a Nigerian banker and a Venezuelan eel fisherwoman, Sunday grew up in the dusty streets of Bracknell. After leaving school he returned to Nigeria where he was classically educated at the Lagos Institute of Commerce, specialising in international Book keeping. After graduating with honours he moved back to England where he inspired the highly acclaimed Nigerian-419 Investment Plan. Details of this and other plans can be sent on request. For more information please send your bank account details.

Born in the affluent suburbs of Lahore Waqas was destined to join the family import / export business from an early age. However, fate took a guiding hand when he mistakenly attended a sales seminar based on some extremely questionable geometry. This opened his youthful eyes to the many possibilities in parting unsuspecting people with their money.

After many years of study, practice and trial & error Waqas emerged from Pakistan with a smile on his face, a suitcase full of money and a number of threats to his safety should he ever show his face again. Reaching the UK he soon gained quite a reputation for his grifting skills and was the creator of the famous "Ooh, what's that over there!?" and "No no it's not a pyramid scheme sir." scams.

Floating down a river in a wicker basket is no way for a newborn baby to spend its first day, so it was fortunate for Alex that he was born miles away from the nearest river, on top of a hill in Berkshire. At the age of 7 he ran off to the circus where his natural talent for trapeze soon saw him topping the bill. His drive and determination to be the best in the world led him to try the never before attempted one handed quintuple back flip with half spin, a move so difficult even people that are quite good don't do it. However, whilst in mid-air and on the third rotation he realised he wasn't cut-out for the circus and that using a safety net would have been a splendid idea. The resulting accident with BoBo the clown, his umbrella and a custard pie is far too disturbing to detail here.

Today Alex has cast off his sequin covered yellow leotard, although sometimes his colleagues spot the sparkle in his eye as he dreams of what could have been.

Born to the lead singer of County Wicklow's most famous Traditional Folk Group, Ling was no stranger to the silk lined pillows of success. However, the high life had it's price as the band toured relentlessly and were often away for two or three consecutive nights. During these marathon stints Ling would be dragged from gig to gig, with some of them even finishing after 9pm. London, Berlin, New York, Tokyo; these were all places Ling would have loved to visit, but as the bus service terminated just outside of Eniskerry, that was the limit of the group's realm.

Finally, Ling, who had eventually joined the band for a brief spell as washboard player, could take it no more. She packed her bags and was off to see the big wide world that the Ryanair website suggested lay beyond the shores of the Emerald Isle. Although she has never returned to her home, she can play a mean fiddle.

The second son of a South African tumbleweed farmer, Wilrich was always looking out to the horizon and dreaming of adventure. At school he loved history and the combination could only end up with his enrollment at the Indiana Jones Institute of Tantric Archeology on a part time correspondence course, where he majored in running away from giant stone balls, eating monkey brains and whip-craft. After three years he graduated with honours and received his official archeologists' hat through the post.

It has been many years since Wilrich last cracked a whip in anger. He now spends his days working for Minuco during the day and tutoring young hopefuls in the art of nonchalance in the face of impending doom.

Growing up as a boy to a mother who desperately wanted a girl was always going to be a tough one. Add in a father who was obsessed with Star Wars and you have a living nightmare. At a young age the confusion was too much for him and Valerie Han Luke Vader Todd became known for his tendency to take his lightsabre out at the most inopportune moments.

These incidents ultimately led to his expulsion from school, but Uncle Obi-Wan stepped in to home educate Valerie in the practical subjects of speaking ominously and lifting spaceships out jungle swamps.

Upon graduating Valerie headed for London, where waving your lightsabre in public has always been less of an issue. Finding peace at last he threw off his mask and with a quick and dirty deed-poll name change a new life as Gregory Spartacus Darth Todd began.

Growing up in Frankfurt as a sausage stuffer’s daughter wasn’t easy. Marie helped her father as best she could, but knowing which ground-up bits of what went into their specialty Bratwurst was not enough and at the age of 9 she went to live with her Grandfather on the slopes of the Swiss Alps. Here she met Peter the Goat-Herd and together they held hands while herding the goats and watched the entire Director’s Cut of The Sound of Music (including Director’s Commentary).

However, after a particularly fierce argument over which of the Von Trap children was the cutest Marie left her Grandfather and struck out on her own. Using her sewing skills she took a job with a travelling Lederhosen repair company. Here she fell into the humdrum routine of cutting and stitching as they worked their way across Europe, finally ending up in London where she met Joe at the British Lederhosen Convention.

Born in Osaka's Indian quarter to a part-time blowfish filleter meant Bharani was always a bit of an outcast. At an early age he immersed himself in study and it was during one of his many late-night library sessions that he discovered the ancient and often misunderstood Japanese art of extreme origami. Immediately fascinated he began secretly training in his bedroom and as time went by he became more and more fanatical until after 3 weeks he emerged as “The Panther”.

With tight-fitting costume and origami mask at the ready Bharani launched into local competitions, where he won several titles before joining the national origami tour. However, after sustaining a serious folding injury and allegations of cutting he was forced to leave Japan for good and he headed to Europe on a voyage of re-discovery. Unfortunately for Bharani he found us.